Title: A thiefs rights Author: Equinox Date:6-3-94 Being your average, mischenous teenager, I've done my share of stealing, and in turn, I've had my share of success, and of mishaps, but I have never been prosecuted, sure, the quickie mart guy, or the CompUsa Guy might have had me by the collar, and dragged me into that supposedly hidden office that actually sticks out like a green thumb, I've gotten the smack on the head, and stern look, and of course, the constant yelling and bickering, followed by the phone call to the cops. But if all this is handled with a certain finess, no harm should come to either party, or you might end up making that managers life a living hell. Heres how... To er is human, correct? Well in government hands, to er is freedom. Yes, my fine blooded American, this wonderful land of the free, where the law is blind, the country where streets are paved with gold, has a law system so fucked up, you'll proboly get more time for spitting on a Taco Bell than you would for killing someone. Anyways, you lets go through the average planned theft. You walk into the quickie mart, you see that box of cigs you've been craving lying there to the side of the counter. Trying with all your might to be as composed as possible, you glide your shaking, sweaty palms over the cold counter top, gropeing for the slick plastic covering of those Marlboros, while trying to look calmly over at the magazine section accross the room. Suddenly you feel a tight grip on your right shoulder, and the ear piercing sound of "Hey, what the hell are you doin'?!?!," you turn your head, praying that somehow that this was just some kind of dream, but alas, there lies the counterman with a firm grip on your shoulder, blocking any chance of you escaping. You try to speak in a normal, blas‚ manner, but of course, your fear gets the better of you and you turn out a high pitched, scrachy "What... What'd I do?" suddenly your dragged to the back of the store, and are subjected to a constant array of vocal blugeons. If this sounds typical of you, and is what you would expect if such an event were to occur, then you're pretty much like everyone else, you think that just because you did a bad thing, they can rough house you, and push you around. Constant yelling (and remember, Constant can be a SUBJECTIVE term.) can be classified as verbal abuse, a smack on the shoulder (no matter how hard) can be turned into physical abuse, possibly battery, especially if you don't mind getting a friend to punch you in the arm to get that nice little black-and-blue effect. If the sales person has caught you while inside the store, you really havn't done anything wrong, and that can be proved in court, the only way to be actually guilty of theft is if the merchandise is found on you outside of the store. I do warn you though, keep calm, don't start yelling this stuff out in the middle of the store, the most deadly bullet is the silent one, if you know what I mean. State your case if you are brought on trial, or to a policeman, but never to someone who is just trying to get something out of you. Well good luck. Theft can be a very profitable business, espesially if you know what your doing. "Love, hugs, and machine guns." Equinox [HCH] `94