()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() ()()()()() Night of the Cabbage Patch Kids () ()()()() by Thomas Covenant ()() ()()() "The Official Sequel to Smurfkill!" ()()() ()() Written September 28th, 1986 7:32 PM ()()()() () With stupid Ascii Art and no justification. ()()()()() ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() "Goddamn lousy cocksucking shitlicking syphilittic goatfucking sonofabitch! OOOOOOWWWWWW!" screamed Jerry Turner as his foot slammed into the side of the lawnmower. He hopped around futilely as the thing sputtered, wheezed, and coughed blue smoke as if laughing at him. He tripped over the garden hose, and, flailing his arms about, fell and smashed his head on the corner of the mower. He groaned. He should never have bought the damn thing so cheap, but it was hard to resist. So what if the guy who useta own it was now in the state hospital wearing a funny wraparound jacket? Although maybe he should have cleaned off all that blue crap stuck to the blades... He got up and limped into the house, muttering and swearing under his breath. He needed a drink. No, make that a LOT of drinks. He passed by his daughter's room and noticed the door half open, and a little face peering out at him. He went over and slammed the door. Miserable Cabbage Patch Brats. He should never have gotten her one. There was no way to stop her whining now. Everytime a new one came out he had to buy it or be tormented by her sniveling for days on end. The damn things would send him to the poorhouse. Fifty fucking dollars each, well fuck that! In the kitchen, he lost track of how many drinks he made. He knew he had finished two bottles...or was it three? * * * * * A door slammed. His loudmouth wife, returning to picking up his whiny spoiled brat kid. He lurched to his feet and staggered out to greet them. What he saw made his jaw drop to the floor. There, nestled in his daughters loving arms, was ANOTHER CABBAGE PATCH KID! Its vacant stare and wideeyed smile seemed to sneer up at him. He heard a low, animal growl, and didn't realize that it came from his own throat. He staggered forward, snarling. His daughter shrank back. "Mommy! What's wrong with Daddy?" "Jerry! What do you think you're doing?" "I'm doing shomething that shoulda been dunalong time ago!" With that, he reached out to grab the hateful thing. Little Ellen turned to run, but tripped and fell to the floor. She raised her head with a wail, and Jerry saw blood gushing from her cute little snub nose. The sight filled him, enraged him. He was in no mood for games. He snarled savagely and latched onto the thing by its hair, giving a tremendous yank. It flew out of her arms and into his waiting grasp. "Stop it! You're hurting him!" she wailed. Jerry hardly heard her. He felt fantastic, this was great! Waves of pleasure washed across him as he took it in both hands and began ripping it to shreds. He threw it to the floor and began jumping on it, grinning insanely as he stomped the wretched thing flat. He boogied and kicked in different directions, watching the arms and legs fly off and bounce, and the little smiling face slowly turn into an unrecognizable mush. Finally he was done. He stood atop the shattered remains and screamed his conquest to the skies! Then he swayed back and forth, and crashed to the floor, unconscious. Ellen was through screaming. She stood there, crying. Carol was more practical. "Come on, honey. You pick up Michael Lou, and I'll get a shoebox and we'll bury him properly." Sniffling, Ellen started searching the floor for recognizable pieces. * * * * * That night, a small shoebox was lowered into the Turner backyard. Carol and Ellen stood watching Jerry as he shoveled dirt back in, muttering. Small faces watched, also...from the window of Ellen's room, plotting vengeance... Part 2 coming soon. Call these K-K00l K-RAD K-AWESUM K-EVERYTHING ae lines... Darque Side AE 300/1200 24 hrs..408/245-SPAM 10megs, and the best textfiles. Hotel California 1200 only......617/459-4297 10megs, and the best WAREZ! Terrapin StationAE:TAC 300/1200.505/865-0883 4 drives, newest WAREZ! (c) 1986 A Three Sheets to the Wind Production X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X